Cook bacon in a large skillet over medium-high heat until crispy. Remove bacon to a paper towel lined plate, keeping the drippings in the skillet.
Sauté onions and jalapeños to lightly soften, only about 2 minutes. Add the beef, cumin, salt, and pepper then cook through. Add the garlic during the last minute of cooking. Remove from heat and drain the fat.
Meanwhile, in a mixing bowl, combine cream cheese, sour cream, ketchup, mustard, pickle juice, Worcestershire sauce, and half of the cheeses.
Once cool enough to handle, add the beef to the cream cheese mixture and stir to combine.
Transfer the mixture to a baking dish (a 9 x 13 or a large cast iron should do the trick). Top with the remaining cheese then cover with foil.
Bake for 15 minutes with the foil, then 10 minutes without.
Top with crispy bacon and green onions, serve warm with chips or crusty bread.