We have to tell you something, and we have to tell you it right now. This piece is not for those with a refined sense of, well, sensibility. You have to be able to laugh at funny things in order to proceed through this piece. It's for everyone who laughs every time they hear a that's-what-she-said-style joke. It's for people with a curious, child-like mind.
And, finally, it's for everyone who's ever laughed when someone says, "Bollocks." There's no other way for us to say this than to just say it. This piece will talk about a new video in which Irish people taste test testicles.
"They're very tiny testicles," one taster says. Later, she follows with, "They must be man testicles."
Beyond man meat, people guess that these are from mice, a deer, or even a cow. The pigeon testicles come (don't laugh there) with small pieces of bread to make burger-like bites. They're said to be quite chewy, like inedible steak fat. Yum!
"So this is the actual testicles? That's tiny." Grammatical freedom aside, the reproductive organs of a goose are indeed tiny. The tasters seem to like what the geese have to offer a bit more than the pigeon. Yes, they're mushy, but they "didn't even know the scrotum was there." We call that a win.
The most important question, though, is posed at the end of the goose segment. Why are a goose's testicles smaller than a pigeon's? Does size really matter? We digress.
A question you're probably asking yourself is whether there's sperm in the edible testicles. You weren't asking yourself that? Oh, odd. (Neither were we.) By the time the cockerel testicles come out, though, one taster is dying to know.
"The smaller they get, the stronger they are." Apparently, cockerel testicles are chewy as all get out and very strong.
As you'll see (and could probably guess), the lamb's testicles are much larger than any of the birds'. They're "bloody huge" and smell "pungent." These are some chewy bollocks, as the tasters say, and it's hard to tell where the batter ends and the ball begins.
Some tasters aren't so sure that the stag testicles are cooked fully. They appear to have a white cream sauce on them, and even having to write that is making our stomachs lurch a bit.
Visually, the stag set appears to cause the most displeasure for the tasters. In that sense, it seems like the stag and the taster are in the same boat here. As one tasters says, "Just don't do it."