I am writing to you today to ask “Where’s my lunch box?” You’ve provided me with ice cold water thanks to my bright orange rambler, graciously allowed a week’s supply of cold beer in honor of the Tundra cooler, and have even given me the ability to battle the Grand Canyon rapids thanks to the durable waterproof Panga duffel bag. I am forever grateful. Yet, despite all these cleverly constructed products, my lunch remains warm and sad. Why, YETI, why?
I have no doubt that, at YETI headquarters, your break room is probably floor to ceiling with an outdoor lovers cold dream. But, if you saw the previous break room I had to encounter, you may have been more inclined to design a product that enabled one to avoid entering this war zone – via insulated lunch box.
The size of a closet with merely a semi-partition separating it from the men’s restroom two feet away – you can imagine – the overwhelming swarm of fruit flies and wreak of moldy fridge from timeless science projects deterred employees from fathoming the idea of utilizing any kitchen amenities.
And after having witnessed a questionably intoxicated patron helping themselves to the microwave and a lone bag of un-popped popcorn resting on top, enough is enough. If only there were a product that could keep my food cold, without having to worry about battling employee break room atrocities – and random non-employees from eating employee food.
YETI, this is where you could do the world a solid and make a lunch box fit for the working class. You already have the style, grace, technology, and gumption to put the invention into motion. Sure, the Hopper Flip 8 could be an option for me right now, but it’s not just quite right. While I understand us break-room-a-phobs could simply rely on carting around one of your coolers, I fear, that’s a tad unrealistic given the circumstance.
If product model is the hang up, let me offer some advice – chime in if you have your own note-worthy specs, ya’ll. Two YETI lunch box models should be offered: Trail Builder and Desk Junkie.
The Trail Builder will obviously be your heavy duty version of a lunch box – think mini YETI Cooler meets tough-as-nails army box. The hard-shell cooler will have the toughness and ice retention of the Tundra along with the concept of the YETI Roadie, but be small enough to transport the contents of a brown paper lunch bag by grasping a single rubber handle.
Equipped with the Permafrost insulation of the Tundra 35, No Sweat Design of the Roadie, and of course signature Cold Lock Gasket, the Trail Builder lunch box cooler would have a compact body along with durability fit for the outdoor worker. Construction workers, raft guides, and of course trail builders can all benefit from the insulation and rugged body of this personal cooler. Consider this fit for crews that return home each night, but still need a personal box just for them.
The Desk Junkie would be more in line with the Hopper. Although soft sided, the Desk Junkie would have the durability of the Hopper in a size suited to carry a sandwich, hummus, and 5 o’clock beer. The Desk Junkie would come complete with a nifty carrying shoulder strap and side compartment for the YETI beverage container of choice – think a hands free pocket for your morning coffee.
Oh, and keep the key holder strap in line with the Roadie, but add in a personalized name plate display in case someone gets fresh with your lunch in the office.
Built to last, the Desk Junkie soft shell will provide ease of transportation, strength of endurance, and most importantly, keep your food cold for several days in your office since you forgot to transfer it to the employee fridge – whether intentionally or not.
And one more thing, each cooler needs a bottle opener built into the top of the cooler. This will keep dirt and grime away that you’d get with an exterior opener, and allow the working individual to enjoy their 5 o’clock clock-out beer.
Imagine it now, the YETI Trail Builder and YETI Desk Junkie improving lunch and life across the globe thanks to their durable nature and lifestyle needs. Do us proud, let’s lunch. But let’s never have a luncheon. That’s just wrong.
Thanks, YETI. I heart you. Sincerely,
Your loyal buyer and outdoor enthusiast.
P.S. If the lunch box could also come equipped with a solar panel that could charge my phone – and laptop if it’s not to much to ask – I would forever be in your debt. But I understand everything has its limits, of course.