The Life-Saving, Meal-Enhancing Tactical Spork of 2017

Think you’re tactical? Wait ’til you get a load of this Tactical Bottle Opening Hot Sauce Dispensing Spork. More than just a school cafeteria plastic utensil, this is the tactical tool that can save your life, spice your food, let you eat said spicy food, and open up a cold one. Bet your spork can’t do all that, can it?

The product of a Kickstarter project, the spork is the versatile invention that we have been waiting for. If you’re one to find yourself in a life and death situation rather often, or a food emergency for that matter, this is the tactical tool you need in your back pocket.

tactical-spork
Kickstarter/JDoe

What could have inspired such a genius tool? Extreme situations of course, just hear what the makers have to say:

“Have you ever eaten a bowl of soup or cereal, and suddenly had to break a windshield to escape a burning car? Well if so, perhaps eating complicated food while driving isn’t ideal, but in the case that can’t be avoided, the Tactical Bottle Opening Hot Sauce Dispensing Spork is for you.”

If you find your life is like being in a Michael Bay movie, this will be your only life-saving vice. Once you escape the unforeseen catastrophic event that required you to escape a burning car, you can finish your bowl of soup topped in some hot sauce, and crack open a cold one to calm down your nerves from the near death experience.

The tactical tool features a glass window breaker on one end with a spork head on the other, a bottle opener on the side, and a secret compartment in the middle. With the detachable spork head unlocking a hidden hot sauce compartment, you can be like the culinary 007. And with customization as an option, the possibilities of creating the most tactical tool known to man is endless.

Remember folks, perfect preparation prevents panic. You can prevent panic today by making a pledge for this lifesaving spork. But hurry, time is limited with less than 10 days to go.

Accidents do happen, and while a survival guide may help prepare you for them, throwing a book into a flame will only fuel the fire. Get practical, and get tactical. Tactical with TBOHSDP that is.

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