We all know Ron Swanson as the guy with the exquisite mustache from Parks and Recreation, who says exactly what we are thinking. Since he is the master of eating and survival in general, it is time for everyone to get on board with his rules of nourishment.
Here are the 17 rules of food consumption created by our favorite bacon-lover that we live to follow, because these are what your New Year’s resolutions should really be.
1. Ron Swanson is better at eating than any of us.
2. Always be prepared to BBQ.
3. Just always be prepared.
4. If you are try to be “healthy” while trying to be a dessert, you are doing it wrong.
5. I’ll take a Lagavulin 16 neat with a side of bacon, or nothing at all.
6. A free breakfast buffet is a reason to go anywhere.
7. If you enjoy your appendages, never grab food off of other people’s plates, especially if it’s shrimp.
8. Hazelnut is the death flavor; your coffee doesn’t need it.
9. A bottle a day keeps the doctor away.
10. Shrimp is the only thing that makes bacon better.
11. Because Chicago-style deep dish pizza is food and that other stuff is basically cardboard.
12. Ribs first, meetings later.
13. If you want to grow up big and strong, chew on some pork.
14. Don’t be a liar and don’t be skim milk either.
15. Leave the salad for the silly rabbits.
16. We are at the top of the food chain for a reason.
17. And last, but not least, breakfast food reigns supreme…
because bacon and eggs will cure whatever ails ya.